Friday, September 5, 2003

If jesus were alive today, he'd hang out at the yo-yo store

Tuesday, when I arrived on campus, I was greeted outside the parking structure by an old gentleman passing out free copies of the New Testament. This is, I'm sure, a fairly common scene on most college/high school campuses. I just waved my hand and said "no thanks" before he got a word out. I would have explained to him that I don't want one primarily because I already have more Bibles than I can read and that if his goal is to reach the unsaved, he could spend his Bibles more wisely on people who aren't already Christians, but I decided that I preferred to make him think I was some self-righteous atheist.

Anyhow, later on the same day, I happened upon a most interesting scene: in one of the "commons" types areas on campus - you know, with the benches and the fountain and so on - I saw a gentleman yo-yoing in front of about four PA speakers that were blasting Christian pop music. I could tell instantly that it was Christian pop because the vox were mixed right out in front and the message was uplifting. The guitars were distorted, but not in a caution-to-the-wind kind of way, but in a very boring, very sterile Good Charlotte kind of way. Also, I became instantly aware that, outside of the context of some sort of Christian "ministry", there would be absolutely no cause for anyone to ever perform solo yo-yo tricks in front of giant PA speakers while several other people "warmed up" behind him. I recalled my days on my church's mime troupe. We would do mime skits to present the gospel. That's right. Mime.

Now, I did some searching on the web and by process of elimination (or whatever it's called when there's only one of something so that thing must be the one you're looking for) I concluded that it must've been The King's Yomen.

"Holy shit! Watch out - he's got a yo-yo!"

I certainly don't want to make fun of these folks - no, strike that: I do, but I won't - because I can't fault somebody for using their talents to try to spread a positive message, particularly in a world so bleak. In fact, maybe it's folks like the King's Yomen, who seem totally misguided and naive to folks on the outside, who have everything figured out. "War? Recession? Pestilence? Whatever. I'm just going to yo-yo and think about Jesus." What could be better?

Due to my extensive Christian mime background, I'm totally aware of how far-fetched and cheesy some of the "skits" or "messages" can be. In that spirit, I've decided to take a stab at writing some yo-yo-is-like-[some aspect of Christianity]-type one-liners that I'm sure you'll love.

    * Walking with Christ is like walking the dog...

    * God's love comes with no strings attached, unlike my yo-yo which has one string attached.

    * Jesus is like a Duncan Cold Fusion Yo-Yo and Satan is like a Green Duncan Imperial. I mean, seriously... okay?

    * Remember when I tried that Hoopla earlier but I flubbed the dismount? That's like when we sin.

    * In the Bible, Jesus says, "no man cometh unto the Father except by me." Now I'm going to Rock the Baby.

By the way, I'm not sure if "King's Yomen" is some bible pun that I should get, but I don't get it. Does anyone?

Either way, I need to read the Bible more and brush up on my Yo-Yo tricks.

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